Most clinicians have uttered the words: "They're in denial" when talking about a patient or family who didn't do what they were told to do. It ranges from ignoring medical advice, to not quitting smoking or, in my specific reality, refusing to try out hearing aids to help with communication.
The books tell us that it takes someone 7 years from knowing they have a hearing problem to trying their first hearing aid. Seven years of struggling in noisy backgrounds, straining the brain and the eyes to fill in the blanks, or asking for repetition or pretending to understand what was said. Mark Ross said that if someone in a family has a hearing loss, everyone in the family has a hearing problem. We all suffer from eachother's inability to move.
Here's what I learned about this seven year hiatus:
1. It takes as long as it takes.
2. You cannot guilt, coerce, scare or manipulate someone into making changes.
3. Treatment options such as hearing aids still carry a stigma despite bluetooth headpieces etc.
4. The waiting is about gathering strength, energy and resources to deal with what is to come.
5. A lot is happening below the surface at any given time.
6. We all use this technique to come to terms with the stark reallity of day-to day existence.
Here are some examples of 'denial in daily life':
Walking around with a cavity in your mouth and opting to chew on the other side instead of immediately calling the dentist.
Turning up the car radio to hide the clangy sound coming from underneath the bonnet of the car.
Buying bigger pants instead of confronting unhealthy weight gain.
Having Diet Cola with a piece of cake.
Denial is a judgy word with pathological connotations. It separates and it shames.
Let's try for" They are getting there"; "They are finding their way"; "They are doing what they can" or even "It's not easy".
"We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
just different devils."