Winter is upon us. With it, information about our return to our workplaces is crystallising. Am I pleased about it? Yes. Am I apprehensive about it? Yes. Am I exhausted? Also yes. As with the exodus from campus for me earlier in the year, we again are braced, feet firmly planted in mid-air, to embark on what promises to be another extravaganza filled with the hat-rabbits, bells and unrelenting adjusting. Ready or not, here we come! Maybe. Likely.
Winston Churchill reminds us that plans are useless, but planning is essential. Until this year, I could not really grasp the depth and insight of that particular cryptic phrase. Part of our planning should include a frank and serious conversation about a self-care. We’re not on terra firma yet and the unknowns exceed the knowns. Let's not bullshizzle here, folks: self-care will involve self-discipline, painful healing and behaviour correcting. It will look and feel a lot like dang hard inconvenient work, although the odd bath bomb, wellness challenge and trip to the beach may fortify us along the way.
The first thing self-care will do, is square off with our calendars. Here are 6 goalposts to consider as we plan for the next 6 months of 2020:
1. Beware of gas-lighting which is to say activities or communications with individuals, organisations or the collective that makes an individual question their reality. We run the risk of being gas-lighted, or even gas-lighting ourselves, when we expend every effort to return things to how they were, without the sobriety and discernment a disruption of this magnitude demands. All things prior to COVID-19 weren’t ideal, there were some significant mental health risks associated with the status quo that deserve our kind, but honest, eye. Before we equate a return to our workplace with a return to normal, let’s hold ourselves accountable to truly reflect on what “normal” we want to re-instate for ourselves.
2. From value, to priority, to calendar. Confirm your priorities for the next 6 months and align them with your calendar. Ensure that those priorities are embedded in your values. We overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what can be done in 6 months. All great achievement resides in how you spend your minutes over a span of time, be it a great paper, a harmonious relationship or a flawless risotto.
3. Implement post-day analysis to do regular, radical stocktaking. How were the hours spent today? It can be the cold dose of reality when we are confronted, black on white, with how much time was spent on distractions compared to meaningful activities. If the sums don’t add up, skip the self-hatred, and simply adjust accordingly.
4. Offload unproductive habits. The best example I can offer is around diet. As Anne Lamott said: we can all do better. Healthy eating is not achieved in the kitchen, but in the grocery aisle. We do ourselves a disservice when we rely on willpower in a high traffic high temptation situation. It only takes one bad day to see us reaching for the Nutella jar and the soup ladle.
5. Enforce your boundaries: When we become juicy with the consequences of our actions, most of us have exclaimed, hands in the air:” Enough. This can’t go on! I have to learn to say no.” What we’re less skilled at is the ability to enforce our no repeatedly. Just because we were able to stand our ground once, does not imply that we won’t have to do it again, about the same topic, with the same person.
6. Have at least one conversation a day that matters. I truly believe that a chat a day keeps the worry at bay. Hugh Walpole (1884-1941) echoes this sentiment when he writes that the “most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy. We are wired for connection, it provides nourishment and sustenance to our beleaguered minds and restores our faith in our abilities and the goodness of people.
John O’Donohue cautions us to not take what happens on the surface for ground. As much as our organisations need all of us to be the happiest, healthiest, calmest versions of ourselves during this transition, and our loved ones appreciate our confidence and serenity, our accountability is to ourselves. Let’s not lose sight of the shifting ground, our reasons for being here and our immeasurable talent and resourcefulness. Let’s be protective and strategic with our unique gifts and approaches to the tasks ahead. Let’s honour the difficulty of the past few months with a semester deserving of our efforts thus far. We have a real shot here. Let’s not squander it.
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